


breathe me

by humanveil



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cuddles, M/M, Marauders' Era, Panic Attacks, Sirius Black as Padfoot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:10:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7188341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanveil/pseuds/humanveil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus has a panic attack. Sirius comforts him the only way he knows how.</p>
            </blockquote>





	breathe me

**Author's Note:**

> I have wanted to write wolfstar for the _longest_ time (seriously, like, five years now), so I'm glad I finally got around to it. A big ol' thank you to [murdergatsby](http://archiveofourown.org/users/murdergatsby/) and [cutepoison](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cutepoison/) for inspiring me over at twitter. ilu both very much. 
> 
> A fun tip to remember before reading: panic attacks are different for everyone. Remus' one is based on my own experience. 
> 
> Right. Cool. I hope you like it!!

It was all going perfectly fine, right up until it wasn’t.

It hits him like a wave, crashing against him and taking the very air from his lungs. There’s no trigger, no event that sets it off, it just… happens.

He stops walking, the crowded hall fading to a blur of bodies, their joyous shouts diminishing to a low hum, replaced by the increasing pound of his heartbeat.  The one hand that isn’t intertwined with Sirius’ reaches to his collar, fingers tugging beneath the fabric, loosening the tie, _anything_ , to make it easier to breath.

“Moony?”

Sirius turns to look at him, to see why he’s stopped, and it only takes a fraction of a second for recognition to colour his face. He holds his hand tighter, and pulls him away from the crowd, barging anyone who tries to get in their way. It’s something Remus would usually scold him for, but now, in this state, he’s thankful for the quick path it makes.

Remus doesn’t pay attention to where they go, just follows the tug of Sirius’ hand, his mind too preoccupied on the tightening of his throat to care.

They reach an empty classroom, and Sirius has barely shut the door behind them before Remus is shaking him off, moving to the other side of the room. His hands shake as they tug at the red and gold stripped tie, fingers fumbling with the buttons of the white shirt, his chest heaving with the effort to just _breathe._

Sirius watches from near the door, a familiar hopelessness creeping its way through him. He wants to help, wants nothing more than to grab the other boy and hold him tight, to tuck Remus’ head against his chest and help him wait it out. He knows better, though. Knows Remus doesn’t like that, knows it would only make things worse.

So he watches, hands clenched at his sides, nails digging into the skin to stop from reaching out. It makes him feel like utter shit, but he doesn’t know what else to do, what else he _can_ do.

The sounds of heavy pants and panicked breaths fill the room as Remus tries to breathe. He props himself against the wall, one palm pressed flat against the stone as he doubles over slightly. His eyes are squeezed shut, salty drops of water leaking through, wetting his eyelashes and trailing down his cheeks. He _hates_ that he cries each time it happens, but hating it never seems to stop it.

It feels like it goes on forever, but slowly, very slowly, his breath comes back to him. He shifts his position, moving to lean against the wall, his back pressed to the stone as he keeps his eyes shut, his head tilted back. Almost involuntarily, he slides down to the floor, body still shaky with the aftermath.

Sirius watches him carefully, eyes not straying from him for a second. He contemplates if it’s alright for him to move, yet. Wonders if it’ll help or not.  After a moment, he decides he can’t just keep watching, that he has to do _something_.

He glances around the room once, just to ensure they really are alone, before shifting into his dog form. Remus always liked to pet him when he was like this, and if there was a chance it would help… Well. Sirius preferred it anyway.

He approaches Remus slowly, his movements tentative as he trots towards him. The boy still has his eyes shut, face pointed up at the ceiling. Sirius wonders if he even knows he’s there.

The first touch it gentle, experimental. He nudges Remus’ arm with the tip of his snout, but does no more; simply waits to gauge the reaction. He’s pleasantly surprised when a hand makes it into the fur covering his head, fingers scratching softly behind his ears.

“Padfoot…”

Remus opens his eyes to look at him. The yellowish brown shines bright with unshed tears, and the sight sends a protective urge through Sirius. He moves closer, cuddling up against Remus’ side, lying across his lap.

He can feel the erratic pattern of Remus’ breathing still, the slight shakiness to his hand as it runs through his black fur. He want to return to his human form and wrap the other boy in his arms, but Remus seems to calm down with each rhythmic stroke of his fur, and, if that’s what will help calm him, then Sirius is more than happy to stay as he is.

They stay like that for a long while; comfortably cuddled together. Remus’ breathing sorts itself out, and, eventually, a small smile lifts his lips as he pets the dog lying in his lap.

“Siri,” he murmurs, voice quiet in the empty room.

Sirius’ head snaps towards him, ears perking up at his name. He moves around, leaping from Remus’ lap to sit next to him instead, his tail wagging slowly. Remus looks better, but there’s still a… _vibe_ to him, something sad; something Sirius wants to get rid of immediately.

Without much thought, he leans in and places a lick against a scarred cheek, yelping softly. Remus grins even as he tries to lean away. It’s no use, just as he thought it wouldn’t be; Sirius follows, placing lick after lick to Remus’ skin, only stopping when soft giggles leave Remus’ mouth, his shoulders shaking with the effort to keep his laughter quiet.

Only then does Sirius transform back into his human body, his own grin pulling at his lips and lighting up his face. He lies next to Remus, laughing with him for a moment, before reaching out and intertwining their hands again.

“Feeling okay, Remmy?”

“Yeah.” Remus squeezes his hand. “Sor—”

“No,” Sirius cuts  him off. “No apologising,” he continues, using their conjoined hands to pull Remus against him. Softly, he places his lips to the other boy’s forehead. “It happens.”

Remus can’t help but murmur another _sorry_ , laughing at the playful smack he gets in response.


End file.
